So here I am, 587 days into my alcohol-free journey.
I don’t think about alcohol anymore.
Alcohol is not (and never was) part of my DNA.
I don’t crave it.
I don’t miss it.
I don’t need it.
It is one of society’s great failings coupled with an absolute travesty that anyone thinks they do. I would never have believed that 587 days ago I would be here. Sober. And not only sober, but absolutely kicking the arse out of life (my version). Enjoying the very process of life itself. Who would ’a’ thunk it?
Don’t get me wrong I was a functioning human. Partner. Friends. Job. Life. To all intents and purposes things were going reasonably well. Madly, it was far from that. It was pretty dire if I’m brutally honest. But I didn’t even realise it at the time. I thought life was good, with a dark side of hangovers and a sweet dessert full of regret.
But boy do I know it now.
It got me thinking about what I’ve learned on this journey. One key thing is everything is temporary. Every thought. Every feeling.
🙇🏻♀️ Wanting to drink because I believed it relaxed me, when I knew it didn’t. The feeling was temporary. Any anxiety or worry felt was only heightened by booze. The trickery passed and I realised I coped better with life without it. Seems unbelievable right now, but it’s actually true.
🦹🏽♀️ Fear of missing out. I will acknowledge perhaps for a brief moment (one sip or half a glass of), alcohol in the bloodstream seems uplifting, thereafter that feeling is replaced by stupidity and bad judgement, paranoia and anxiety, tiredness and sleep. FOMO is temporary. I wasn’t missing out on anything. I am an adaptable human. I am funny. I am smart. I don’t need alcohol to be those things. Through time I have learned I am just me.
💔 Feeling annoyed that I cannot just have one drink. I wondered why I couldn’t be one of those people? I’ve realised there are three types of people – those who can take alcohol or leave it, those who can’t and are a ticking time bomb and those in denial. I have so much pride for being a 2. I am a warrior.
🤵🏻♀️ Wondering if sober-me will fit in amongst my friendship group. I reached a point where I actually didn’t care. Like it, don’t like it. I’ve lost one friend, some have annoyingly tried to encourage me to start drinking again, most have just been thoroughly supportive and helped me on my journey. Sorts out the real friends from the acquaintances. Those acquaintances are temporary. They are in your life for a reason and sometimes that reason is alcohol. Remove it, remove relationship. I was actually surprised.
🏋️♀️ Wanting to be fit. When I got used to the idea of getting up early I then had a phenomenal desire to get out and get super fit. The fittest I’ve ever been. I’ve seen a number of people who have felt the same. Exploring my potential. An inner confidence eating at your insides; if I can stop drinking what else am I capable of?
If you are on this journey, I hope wherever you are, you are seeing subtle changes in your behaviour. More patient perhaps. More motivated. You may be starting to feel a new and deeper confidence. Perhaps beginning to like yourself a bit more. I mean the real you. Not this charicature of the person you may have created with booze.
Don’t forget too, you are rapidly becoming an inspiration to others (you probably already are). My fiancé and sister have both stopped drinking. The positivity of my journey was the catalyst.
I feel moments of euphoria sometimes. It’s so odd, but there is true happiness in my heart. A carefree lift. A real excitement. This can be when I’m walking down the street. Working. Cooking. Cleaning. It’s an honest appreciation for the life I have been given. I can truthfully say I never felt any of those feelings when I was a pi55head.
Everyday is new.
Everyday is exciting.
Everyday holds new opportunities that are mine to make the most of.
I’m off to do just that.
Have a great day 🙂